i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
