Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
