I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the day after is always just damage control
I just found puke in my bra..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
