the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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