So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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