I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
cat food counts as protein by the way
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
