so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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