either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
