Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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