Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
