the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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