ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
