mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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