So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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