I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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