Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
