i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
