that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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