Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
