Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
