After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
