we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
