Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
