my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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