My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
