You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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