"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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