He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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