just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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