Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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