smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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