Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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