it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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