the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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