This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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