RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
