She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
