I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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