I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
