Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
