I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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