I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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