I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
