Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
