I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
