First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
