Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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