Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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