I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
