I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
