I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
