we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
